can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
