you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize