If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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