How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
