the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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