Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
