I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
