some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
