On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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