He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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