were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
