You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
