I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize