Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
