Your face is a jimmy john
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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