biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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