Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
