I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
