Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
