apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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