His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
