woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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