like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
