hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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