the condom got lost in my hair
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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