you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
