im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
