MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
