end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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