His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
