Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They took my balls.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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