1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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