I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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