There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
