11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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