I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
