The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
