just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
