I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
