i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why is there bacon in the couch?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
