So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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