We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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