Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
