idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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