There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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