do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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