I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
