She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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