I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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