We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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