Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
