It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
