I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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