hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think your dad took our porno
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
