i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
