Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
