I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
