I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
