I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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