Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
