You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
