Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize