I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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