I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
