he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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