it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wish you could order shots online.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
