My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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