I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just saw a hot homeless man
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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